One Hour of Metal: The KISS Edition

One Hour of Metal is where I either put my iTunes on shuffle or tune into a metal internet radio station and for one hour I document what I hear. The good, the bad and the downright awful are always represented with honesty in this segment. Some hours are better than others as you will see in this series. So let’s get started shall we?

This time around I created a KISS playlist of nothing but their studio albums, took a deep breath, and hit PLAY. How did this go? Oh my, you have no fucking clue just how it went do you? Read on and see what I had to say.

Rise To It (Hot in the Shade)
I remember when this song came out and thinking that it was a pretty cool song. I was all pumped for the release of Hot in the Shade and when that album came out it sucked the big one. Listening to this song 20 something years later it’s still a really fun song to listen to but I’m also realizing just what a ridiculously sorry guitar player Bruce Kulick is. I mean, he’s good but he was just so wanky and way too much so for Kiss. This is a fun song and I still like it. Not a bad start

A Million to One (Lick It Up)
It’s funny that I don’t even remember this song. Maybe that’s because I pretty much completely ignored the Lick It Up album. This is a pretty cool song and kind of reminds me of something that would’ve been on Dynasty or something. This is a really great song and I love Vinnie Vincent’s playing on this. He has this Ace Frehley kind of thing going on. The production is a bit 80’s and dated sounding but this is quite a good song. I dig this.

Forever (Hot In The Shade)
Kiss doing a song written by Michael Bolton. Even back in the day when this song came out I remember being so embarrassed. For reals? Michael fucking Bolton? This song was a huge hit for them so good for them and Michael Bolton but boo hoo for us Kiss fans who felt like they were going soft. I still cringe when I hear this and even though I’ve forgiven them for it, this is just a travesty.

Let’s Put The X in Sex (Smashes, Thrashes, and Hits)
First off, I’m not sure there is anything “thrashy” about Kiss. It should’ve been Smashes, TRASHES, and Hits because this song is complete garbage. It’s so ridiculous but you know what? I love it. I know right? Go figure. It’s so ridiculously over the top but it’s still kind of fun to listen to. Kind like watching two clowns fucking. You don’t feel like you should be watching but you do anyways and laugh the whole time.

Murder In High Heels (Animalize)
Wow. This is absolutely horrible. Kiss really seemed to try hard to stay relevant with the times by trying to integrate into whatever genre of hard rock was big. This era found Kiss really trying to get into that kinda sleaze/glam metal thing. While they totally managed to survive with varied levels of success, they were also putting out some of the absolute worst crap of their careers. This is one of them. What a piece of crap. I’d rather “Lets Put the X in Sex” over this one.

Plaster Caster (Love Gun)
Leave it to Gene Simmons to belt out a song about having a plaster cast made out of his cock by Cynthia Plaster Caster. This song is just a fun piece of classic tongue in cheek KISS that I often forget that I dig. This is such a silly song but it’s classic, fun KISS at their best. Love this one.

Shout Mercy (Monster)
Without a doubt Kiss’ finest album in many, many years. I was hard pressed to find a song that I didn’t really enjoy on this album. This is just a great song with a great delivery and that classic Kiss imprint. It’s almost as if they quite trying to hard to be something else and just started being the band that they were so many years ago that we all fell in love with.

Thief In The Night (Crazy Nights)
So I don’t hate this song like I thought I would. It’s actually a pretty cool song and even though it’s pretty cheesy, I like a good number of tunes from Crazy Nights. Sometimes Kiss embraced the cheese and managed to put out some great, fun songs. This song is a lil on the boring side but it’s still a pretty cool song. Matter of fact, I’d say that it’s listenable. Forgettable but listenable in the moment.

Down On Your Knees (Killers)
Wow. This is REALLY a crappy song. I just don’t know what else to say about it other than it should’ve stayed unreleased. Time to go to the bathroom while this one plays.

Christine Sixteen (Love Gun)
As much as I love these Kiss songs, it kills me just how juvenile these lyrics can be. It’s a fun listen but this song is not one of my favorite classic songs. Listenable but not one of my go to Kiss songs.

Only You (The Elder)
HAHA. HAHAHA. HAHAHAHA. What the fuck is this crap Beavis?

Hate (Carnival of Souls)
Kiss, yet again, trying to hop into a trend in order to be relevant. This album was actually never released when it was originally supposed to. Kiss trying to be grunge just doesn’t work. This was such a ridiculous attempt at something that Kiss never should’ve done. I like Kiss when they’re Kiss and not trying to be Alice In Chains or Soundgarden. I mean, in all honesty, this isn’t terrible but it’s just not Kiss.

Two Timer (Dressed To Kill)
Man, doing this challenge has made me really see just how many crappy songs Kiss has. This song is a real snoozer. It just felt like it dragged on forever. This song just sucks. Please be over soon.

Carr Jam 1981 (Revenge)
Here’s a great idea. Let’s showcase just how shitty our drummer is by putting a recorded drum solo on an album after he dies so that everyone can remember how crappy he was. Look, I’m sorry the guy died and from what I hear he was a really nice guy. Nice guy or not, Eric Carr was a crappy drummer and kept time like a watch with a dying battery in it. Why did this have to be one of the songs I have to sit through? I’d give anything for a song from The Elder right now.

Love Her All I Can (Dressed to Kill)
Now THIS is the Kiss that I love. This is such a great song and I love that riff. Classic Paul Stanley attitude in the vocals and it’s just a fun song to listen to. This is a good example of a Kiss song that I forget that I like. This is a really fun listen.

Dance All Over Your Face (Lick It Up)
Damnit. I thought I was in the clear but no chance. Is this song for real? Damn what a craptastic piece of crapolla. I cannot believe that I have to go out on such a crappy note like this. After this lil One Hour of Metal thing I’m horrified to do an Album by Album Challenge on Kiss. I may be rethinking that idea after the high level of shit I just had to listen to. Thank god this is over.