Ok Fartheads, as most of you don’t know, I’m an Athiest motherfucker. I don’t celebrate shit but yet people keep asking me what I want for Christmas. So I thought long and hard and figured that I did indeed have a chance to get some of my wishes made to come true, these are the things that I would want from the fat man. So if anyone happens to see him this year while hauling your little rugrats around to go piss on his lap, be sure to put a good word in for.
The Great Southern Brainfart’s Christmas List:
For the Over The Top line up of White Wizzard to form a band minus Jon Leon and own the fucking world. Get Jessie Sanchez (Bonded by Blood) on bass and world domination would be theirs.
For Brave to put out a new album and tour.
To get a phone call from Rod Smallwood saying, “Ewww Don you bloody wanker. Bruce loves your website and would love nothing more than to talk to you.”
For VH1 to call me and tell me that they’ve seen my site and were so blown away by it that they’ve fired Eddie Trunk and his crew and would like to give me my own show. My co-hosts would be Jammin’ Jaymz Hines and Ruben Mosqueda.
For Holy Grail to get a tour bus and invite me along to document their tour “Almost Famous” style for a full feature that would be published in some metal magazine that doesn’t suck. Kerrang! Maybe?
For Christian Mistress to put out a new album and tour.
For Geoff Tate to fire his band of misfits and just go back to doing solo stuff which I actually really dig.
For Queensryche to not make any more short films… ever.
For Grumpy Cat and Lil Bub to come over for a play date with my dog and cats.
For Iron Maiden to just once add “Judas Be My Guide” to their live setlist at a show that I’m present at.
For Lonn Friend to have coffee with me and share with me the secrets of the world.
For Lemmy to get better.
For James LaRue and I to get offered our own show by the History Channel where we go around to the grocery stores of the world buying toys that hang in the aisles.
To get hang out with Giorgio A. Tsoukalos.
To see Alice Cooper/Kiss/GWAR actually do a tour together.
For In This Moment to just go away. Far away.
For racism, homophobia, and sexism to just go away. Probably a better chance of seeing a Queen reunion with Freddie Mercury but hey, a boy can wish right?
For each and every one of my devoted, faithful Fartheads to have a great, safe, and VERY Happy Holiday season! Y’all are the fucking best!