One of the best things about having digital cable is VH1 Classic. They have a show that comes on called Metal Mania that is usually 2 hours or so of nothing but Metal. Think of it as Headbanger’s Ball without the lame ass hosts who think they know what they’re talking about. I’ve decided to start reviewing these videos for random posts here on the Branfart so here ya go! Enjoy these!
Motley Crue – Dr. Feelgood
Awesome video, awesome song. Too bad EVERYTHING else they have done has the staying power of ice in an oven. The video totally kicks ass and has this kinda Scarface thing going on. If ANYTHING made this band look remotely cool, it was this video.
Judas Priest – Breaking The Law (Live)
Priest live ALWAYS is bad to the fucking bone. This version is from their Rising In The East DVD. Not much more to be said. A true face melter!
Skid Row – Youth Gone Wild
Being the first video from this band, it definitely set them aside from the rest of the “pretty” bands. It’s black and white, it’s gritty and they look really fucking cool. They made Poison look like girls. Oh wait, never mind. This is pretty much a performance video. Not too exciting.
Europe – The Final Countdown
This song and video suck as much now as they did when they first came out. This was everything that was WRONG with hard rock. This shit sucks.
Warrant – Down Boys
I can’t say that I ever saw this video and thought “Wow, Warrant really kicks ass”. This shit sucks. They look lame and their cheesy ass choreographed dance moves just make me want to kick my TV. While these guys weren’t nearly as bad as Europe, this song did suck REALLY bad. They actually went on to have a few decent songs (yes I admit it) but this was a TERRIBLE first impression.
Great White – Once Bitten Twice Shy
I like Great White but I hate this song. I didn’t like it when it came out. It’s really not that bad but it’s pretty much career suicide to release a cover as a single and have it be your biggest song. This video has some hot chicks in it so that makes it easy to watch. It’s not terrible but I just just don’t like it.
Bonham – Guilty
This band was a big ass bowl of FAIL. So you got John Bonham’s son on drums calling the band Bonham. In this video (and the other one I had seen by them), he gets as much face time as the lead singer. They have the singer up on a platform just above the drums so that everytime they show him, SURPRISE! There’s fatboy Bonham on the drums. They sound like a band that got a singer that sings like Robert Plant and weren’t good enough to cover Zeppelin so they wrote their own terrible songs. This shit is painful.
Hanoi Rocks – Up Around The Bend
PURE FUCKING WIN! This video and song are fucking awesome. Basically it’s a concept video of the boys crashing a fancy country club dinner part of sorts and hijacking the stage where some jazz band or something was about to play. They totally tear shit up and the best part is when guitarist Andy McCoy comes flying to the stage on a wire/pulley. FOR THE WIN BITCHES! This video rules!
Frehley’s Comet – Insane
Its hilarious watching Ace try and be a young metal dude on this video with his hair teased and makeup. Its even funnier because his band is so NOT cool looking yet they are being flocked by TONS of hot chicks. Ace for the win on this one because it’s almost like he knew just how ridiculous this video was.
Twisted Sister – I Wanna Rock
What is there to not like about this video. It looks so ridiculous now but at 11, this was MY video. While these kind of conceptual videos kinda candy coated the band, they were still a monstrous band that could really rip faces off live. These videos are still fun to watch.
Twisted Sister “30”
Wow, Twisted Sister actually made a NEW video? This is for the new track on the anniversary re-issue of Stay Hungry. It’s basically a performance video that has some humor to it. The song is pretty much about how they might be old but they can still kick ass even more now than before. This is pretty much evident in this song and video. It’s a fun watch. Nothing amazing, just fun!
Queensryche: I Don’t Believe In Love
Great band, great songs, BORING VIDEOS. They were conceptually tied in with the “mystery” of the Mindcrime story. Sorry but these performance videos just bored me to tears.
Dio – Holy Diver
YES! Dio + swords +demons+ awesomeness = TOTAL WIN! Sorry but EVERYTHING Dio does just automatically is awesome and rules your lame ass. Enough said.
The Cult – She Sells Sanctuary
Wow, The Cult was a new wave band that looked absolutely ridiculous. It’s a good thing their songs still kicked ass. This was before they crossed over into the metal world with “Sonic Temple” Nothing great here. Just a lame ass performance video but a good excuse to hear a great tune.
Dokken – Into The Fire
What the hell were these guys thinking? First off, I love it when UGLY bands TRIED to look pretty. Putting makeup on an ugly dude is like polishing a turd. No matter how much you try, it’s still a turd. This is a great example of how a horrible video can totally turn you off from a band. This one was so bad that I had to leave the room and go make a sandwich, get some chips and a soda and hope I didn’t have much left to go. I can’t even explain this one. They’re jumping out of a helicopter, running around like idiots. This sucks so bad I’m getting angry.
Iron Maiden – Run To The Hills (live)
Much like Judas Priest, you can’t go wrong with LIVE Iron Maiden. I think this one’s from their Rock In Rio DVD off the Brave New World tour. This one just kicks my ass goddamn is it amazing.
Motley Crue – Smokin In The Boys Room
HAHAHA! This sucks. Ok, so what was the deal with metal bands having the least rocking looking people cast in their videos? This video is pretty fun to watch. It’s kitschy but man, talk about a band that didn’t stand the test of time very well. This song sucks.
Judas Priest – Heading Out To The Highway
Another one of those 80’s performance videos. This one has the Priest boys NOT kicking ass. Instead, they are playing on a “highway” with a “highway and desert” backdrop that looks more like a Wal Mart photo studio. Then you have Halford playing “Drag Race Flag Girl” (surprise) as KK Downing and Glenn Tipton race cars that have “Point Of Entry” on the windshield. Wow… just wow. Great song but damn does this video ever suck.
Metallica – Enter Sandman
This is probably the last really kick ass song /video that Metallica ever did. It’s pretty much a concept video with some random flashes of the band performing. Kinda reminds me of Skid Row’s “18 & Life” video. This video and song just kick all kinds of ass. At least they went out with a bang because after this one, everything they did was a fucking FAIL.
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