Happy Halloween Fartheads! Yes indeed. It’s that time of year where once again we can dress up and pretend to be something we’re not. A slutty nurse, a slutty cat, a slutty optometrist, a potted plant, whatevs. It’s HALLOWEEN! One of my favorite times a year and how can any Halloween be complete without some scary Heavy Metal songs? Just how scary these songs are I’m sure is up for debate and I’m sure some dip shit Death Metal fan will be all like, “Oooo, these suck. Cannibal Corpse is way scarier than this shit.”
Anyways, these were 10 somewhat creepy songs that I could come up with of the top of my head. What are some of your favorites that didn’t make the list. First one to say Cannibal Corpse will get a flaming bag of dog shit left on their front stoop. Well, here are my favorite scare based metal songs, in no particular order. Are we ready? Here we go:
Helloween – Halloween
“MASQUERADE! MASQUERADE! Grab your mask and don’t be late!” Ahh! I LOVE this song. It’s so fucking epic. I love the 13 minute version but the 5 minute version released to MTV was just as fucking awesome. It’s not all that creepy but this song always kicks my ass. Besides, it’s called “Halloween” so how could it NOT make this list?
Black Sabbath – Black Sabbath
The first time I ever heard this song I was at a friend’s house alone on a stormy night. I remember it plain as fucking day. He found the record in his dad’s collection. We put it on and we were looking at the cover all all of the sudden the power went out for about 10 minutes. Scared the living fuck out of us but we loved it. I still remember that moment to this day whenever I hear that song. And when Ozzy yells, “OHhhh noooooo please God help me!” I still get a chill. What a masterpiece.
Alice Cooper – I Love the Dead
Leave it to Alice Cooper to take things to an absolutely uncomfortable level. Just when you though you couldn’t get much scarier, here comes Alice singing a song about fucking a corpse. Necrophilia. Seriously. This is a thing? My young teenage self couldn’t even wrap my head around this kind of thing. I remember asking my dad about it and he says, “Where the hell did you hear this?” I said, “Alice Cooper” and he just says, “Oh. Oh yeah.” It was like he wasn’t surprised. “I love the dead before they rise. No farewells no goodbyes. I never even knew your now rotting face. While friends and lovers mourn your silly grave. I have other uses for you darling.” Yup. Still fucking creepy.
Dangerous Toys – Scared
How can this song/band not make this list? I mean, c’mon. Their mascot was a creepy fucking clown jack in the box! Fuck that. This song isn’t so scary but I what I love is that it’s a tribute to Alice Cooper and how he used to scare the shit out of lead singer Jason McMaster. The video for this song was a bit on the creepy side as well but all in all, it’s just a great song that is an homage to the scary man himself! Great shit here.
Slayer – Dead Skin Mask
So this song is about serial killer Ed Gein. Yeah. You remember that delightful young man who skinned his prey alive and used the skin to make suits and masks and lampshades? How the fuck is that NOT creepy? Hell, at the end of the song you can hear a voice say, “I don’t want to play anymore, Mr. Gein.” That alone is enough reason to make this list. It’s actually a pretty cool song in itself and I always dug this one. This song is so in your face. Get it? Oh well…
Venom – Black Metal
Back in the 80’s, believe it or not, Venom was one of the the most feared bands. Looking back now, their image and even their songs are absolutely hilarious but ya know what? Black Metal is such a dark, heavy fucking song and it literally does sound like Satan’s ass after having a spicy Mexican feast. I absolutely LOVE this song. That chaotic noisy intro that leads right into that bombastic explosion with lead singer/bassist Cronos eating your goddamn face off. So fucking great. And those lyrics: “Black is the night, metal we fight. Power amps set to explode. Energy screams, magic and dreams. Satan records the first note.” Yeah, that’s actually kinda scary… scary hilarious!
King Diamond – At The Graves
King Diamond. The Alice Cooper of the heavier realm of metal. With his creepy ass concept albums and songs about his Grandma, King Diamond has been bringing the creep to the metal word for nearly 40 years and the album Conspiracy is without a doubt one of my all time favorites. “At the Graves” has our boy King serenading his dead baby sister as he commands her to rise from her grave, and sit next to him placing her icy fingers all over his face. Um, creepy much? Yup. Awesome? You better fucking believe it!
Ozzy Osbourne – Diary of a Madman
This song is about bassist/songwriter Bob Daisley’s nervous breakdown that he had when he was only 16 years old. The title comes from an old school Vincent Price shock flick and it opens up with one of the creepiest fucking acoustic pieces I’ve heard to this date. The lyrics to this song are so subtly disturbing and paired with the music creates a sort of eerie tension. I absolutely love this one and much like the Black Sabbath song, this one always gives me goosebumps.
Bruce Dickinson – Dracula
The first recording of Bruce Dickinson ever! It’s so scary. It’s scary how hilarious it is. This is our boyo Bruce Bruce in his young, fruitful phase and it’s amazing to think that this is the guy that would sing on some of the most iconic metal songs of all time. He’s singing about Dracula! Ooo. LOOK OUT!
Ghost – Secular Haze
The only thing scary about Ghost is how much they fucking suck. I can’t even begin to tell you how terrifyingly bad this band is. Matter of fact, if you make it through this song (or any Ghost song for that matter) without slitting your fucking wrists your a better person than I.