Scorpions – No One Like You
Kick my frigign’ ass won’t ya? The Scorpions are one of those 80’s metal bands that had a great singer, great musicians and great songs. Not all were great but this one is a great song. And to top it off, it’s the live version from World Wild Live. Not that “fake” live bullshit but REALLY live. The video has them kicking ass in Japan where they were and still are huge (SURPRISE!). I always thought live videos were cool and even dug when the band added footage of them fucking around backstage and around town being goofs. Great video and kick ass song.
Megadeth – Symphony Of Destruction
Here we are once again with Megadeth kicking ass. The video has lots of political and social imagery about how the big fat bald white guys make money and stand by as the long haired kids suffer at his evil grasp. Burning American flags, protest marches, tear gass and a politician who gets shot definitely takes this video to “11”. The only thing that would’ve made this video better is if Dave Mustaine same out and started beating the politician dude with his pointy flying V guitar. When you’re Megadeth, it’s hard to not look like you mean fucking business.
Bon Jovi – Wanted Dead Or Alive
I’ve never seen a more rockin’ video for an un-rockin’ band in all my life. Actually, it’s a great song. I always have to give this band credit that for the huge amount of wussness they possess, this song kicks ass. The video actually really rocks because it goes along with the whole “I’m a rocker on the road” lyrical content. It’s all black and white and it shows random footage of them rocking out when you know damn good and well they’re NOT rocking out since this is the ONLY song they have that does rock.
Anthrax – Got The Time
Fucking awesome! First Megadeth and then Anthrax! All we need now is Slayer and I’ll jump thru the fucking window and start moshing with the squirrels in the backyard. This song is way kick ass (even if it is a Joe Jackson cover) and the video has the band kicking all kinds of ass in a condemned building as helicopters shine lights in on them . This just kicks my face in and reminded me how friggin’ bad ass this band used to be!
Krokus – Screaming In The Night
Man, the 80’s were a brutal time for metal bands when it came to making videos. Some of them “got it” and some of them “didn’t”. Krokus had two things working against them: crappy videos and the fact that they were butt ass ugly. What they did have working FOR them was that this song kicks fucking ass. Marc Storace is an ugly mother fucker but damn that little shit could sing his ass off. The video is kind of like a Mad Max type futuristic world where the singer falls for one of the “slave girls”. She tries to help him escape and is killed while doing so causing him to want to avenge her death. Yeah, it’s pretty fucking lame but trust me, the song kicks fucking ass!
Cinderella – The Last Mile
First off, this band just melts my face. These guys “got it” when it came to making videos. I don’t think they made a bad video to be honest. Maybe a few hokie ones but this one kicks ass. Once again, when you’re a band that kicks ass as much as Cinderella, it’s in your favor to do live videos and let everyone know that you can rip their faces off live! This is hands down my favorite song off of this album and again, the video just kicks ass. Love this band!
Guns N Roses – Yesterdays
What the fuck happened to this band? See, when you see a video and hear a song like this, it’s no wonder why Izzy ran screaming from this pack of clowns. First off, the song flat out sucks. For some reason, Axl thought he could become a hard rock version of Meatloaf or Elton John or something. They sound ridiculous and the video has them playing in some warehouse like they’re trying to get back to their roots or something but they look so asinine. Dumb song and even dumber band.
Kix – Body Talk
Ummmm, is this for real? First off, KIX sucks so it’s no surprise to me that they would put out such a crappy song and a crappy video. Ok, so maybe they had one or two good songs but boy trust me, this is NOT one of them. It sounds like 80’s synth pop. The video has the band “trying” to look cool and failing miserably at it. They’re playing in some school gym with a bunch of girls in tights and leotards as they do Jazzercize to this song. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
Ozzy Osbourne – Bark At The Moon
HAHAHA! Ya gotta love Ozzy as he plays a roll that’s very close to him… Jeckyl and Hyde! This video looks like an extremely low budget British film. It’s so low budget that the members of his band play various characters in the story line. This song kicks so much ass and the video actually really works for this song in an good way. It’s like it goes right along with the lyrics of the song. Great video and great song!
Tesla – The Way It Is
I always say this but Tesla was like Cinderella. They were no frills kick ass hard rock. They didn’t need to try and be cool. They were just cool by nature and they kicked so much ass live that the best statement they could make in a video was to do a live video. Great song from probably their best album and a great video to boot!
Ratt – Round & Round
Ratt kick ass, nuff said! This was their first big video for a kick ass song and this video kicks ass. First off, they don’t really look cool but they kick ass as they jam away in the attic of some rich old man’s house who is actually, wait for it, MILTON BERELE! How fucking bad ass is that. It’s just RATT kicking ass and then Warrant DiMartini jumps thru the floor and does this kick ass guitar solo on the dining room table and starts knocking glasses and shit over with his guitar while these two hot chicks look at him in disgust when you know that he’s totally gonna bang them after this video! This one is pure WIN!
Frehley’s Comet – Into The Night
Ace and his goofy ass looking backing band kicking ass. I’m guessing the premise of the video is that all kinds of weird and crazy shit happens “In the night” like drug deals, hookers hangin’ out and 24 hour diners. This song really kicks ass but these guys are right up there with Krokus as far as ugly bands go. The end of the video shows Ace picking up some homeless chick and giving her a ride in his limo. I bet they were doing lines of blow off of a Crazy Nights album cover or something! Great song, dumb video.
W.A.S.P – I Wanna Be Somebody
Kick ass song and a kick ass band. These guys fucking nailed the hell out of this video. Other than the fact that Blackie Lawless is the WORST bass syncer, this video just kicks ass. It kinda looks like a Motley Crue performance video only instead of sucking, they kick lots of fucking ass. They have their big ass W.A.S.P logo that catches on fire, their playing pointy guitars with cool designs and Blackie even drinks blood from a human skull at the end! AWESOME! They do look kind of stupid but trust me, back in 1984, this was the shit. This whole album is pretty fucking bad ass and they would never put out an album this good again. Well, “Headless Children” was close but no cigar boys!
Dokken – In My Dreams
Hey Dokken, your videos sukken! This band probably would’ve had more fans by NOT making videos. They were actually kick ass and had some great songs. This is a great song but damn does this video suck. Playing in the rain in slow motion does not make you look cool. It makes you look like a dumbass who didn’t have enough sense to reschedule your shoot for a sunny day or for a clear night. And really bad blue screen footage in the background doesn’t help either. Video killed this band. It’s too bad because this is a really great song.
Over Kill – Hello From The Gutter
What a kick ass song from a kick ass thrash band. I always said that Over Kill was like the most awesome unintentional Judas Priest tribute band. This song just kick my face in and the video shows the band in their best element, live. Much like Anthrax and others, these guys just kick ass. The only thing that’s retarded about this video is that flying skull mascot that they keep cutting to as he flies thru the gutters of New York or LA or some big city. Just cut all that shit out and keep it kick ass on this band as they melt the faces of their audience. Great song! I need to get this album again.
Scorpions – Still Loving You
First off, can we just note what an awesome episode of this show this was? This show had a lot of pure win. This is a great song and while the video is live, it’s really a week video. It’s such a slow song that it probably would’ve been better with a good concept video but then again, that probably could’ve ruined the song. Nevermind, they did it right and didn’t ruin a great song with a crappy video. Kudos to the Klaus & the boys.
Winger – Seventeen
HAHA! I fucking love Winger. I remember seeing these guys and running into some other guys from school and we made each other promise we wouldn’t say we were at the show. That’s the kinda band Winger was. Nobody wanted to like them but they were so fucking good you just had to love them. Awesome musicianship and the songs were fun as all hell. This video is really funny to watch because they look so ridiculous but you kinda get the idea that they know this so it makes watching it pretty funny. Kip Winger acts like such a tool doing all his ballet moves and shit but the dude is a monster singer and his band kicks ass. So there ya go.
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