It’s a sad world we live in when the BIG rock n’ roll news of late is that Guns N’ Roses are reuniting to play that hipsters summer camp known universally as Cochella but dig this: it’s not even a full on reunion. I know right? First off, you have fat bloated Axl Rose, then you have Slash and his pacemaker, and then you have Duff McKagan who, in all honesty, is a pretty cool dude but is no doubt doing this for the hefty paycheck he’ll be receiving. So what about the other two “original” members? Well, Izzy Stradlin, being by far the most talented and intelligent member of the band, is sitting this one out and poor Steven Adler is still sitting in a corner with a phone in his lap waiting for it to ring.
The million dollar question here is, “Who is really excited about this?” Well, according the internet and my Facebook feed, a lot more fucking people than I would think. So why is this even going to be a thing? I don’t get it. 3/5 of them are going to reunite and do what? Play a lifeless, bloated, out of breath rendition of a heavily dated album (Appetite for Destruction) that sounded dated, flat, and worn by 1990?
Don’t get me wrong. I can totally appreciate and acknowledge the relevance and the importance of Appetite for Destruction. At the time of its release, the Hollywood glam scene was turning out bands like Poison, Warrant, and whatever other lipstick covered band that was hot for that second. With their pretty looks and their “woo hoo, life’s a party” shtick, bands just seemed to make it all out to be one big fun, carefree party. Well, here comes Guns N’ Roses singing about the seeded underbelly of Hollywood with songs about sluts who give blowjobs in the recording studio, heroine, and bloody fist fights all while looking like they just raided the makeup counter as Sears.
I, like many other 14 year olds, fucking loved this record. It was dark, it was gritty, it was full of cuss words but there is one thing Appetite For Destruction isn’t and that’s timeless. Hell, even the band themselves went on to be the very thing that they were all against. They became larger than life, rich rockstars with over inflated egos and pompous, arrogant live shows. 20 something years later, 3/5 of that band is reuniting and you would think that fucking Bon Scott was coming back to life and touring with AC/DC.
Let’s just talk about the people themselves that are excited about this. The fans, the ones that are so excited about this potential “tour” and what not. Who would really think that this is a good idea or that it could even be remotely, marginally good? Well, judging from what I’m reading online, it’s the very people who flocked to Motley Crue shows in 2015 hailing them as “amazing” and “kick ass.” I’m not sure what these people were actually hearing when they went to those shows but what I heard were a bunch of backing tapes, a fat, winded lead singer who could barely squeeze out the lyrics in between breaths and a guitarist (God Bless you, Mick Mars) who looked like he was propped up on one of things girls would use to stand up their dolls. Really? That’s what you call “kick ass” and “amazing”? Well, again, these are the very people that are going to fill the pockets of this Guns N’ Roses reunion and inflate their egos unlike ever before.
When did the idea of nostalgia suddenly become more important than the quality of music and performance that was given to them by certain bands? When did people actually stop caring that the bands they were paying top dollar to see were giving them nothing but smoke and mirrors. Hell, I saw Axl’s Guns N’ Roses a couple of years ago and about 3 songs of Motley Crue last year and all I can tell is that I would’ve been happy for them all to be lip synching. They were both atrocious, terrible, caterwauling, hot messes yet there was everyone pumping their fists with their 10 dollar Bud Lights and their 40 dollar t-shirts. Looking back on this, maybe that’s just what it is.
Maybe it’s that people truly don’t care about the quality of music and/or performance that they’re getting. Maybe it’s just all about getting a babysitter, getting together with their friends, and reclaiming some of their youthful glory over over-priced beers and shirts not really caring that the band is out of tune or winded. Maybe the sheer excitement of a night out with a nostalgic soundtrack and a huge light show is all that matters to them. While I find this personally sad, I guess in a lot of ways I can’t really knock it because, as the saying goes, to each their own. If this is their happiness, than by all means enjoy it! I just don’t have to like it.
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