It’s hard to believe that another year has passed.  There was a part of me that was seriously considering not having a Farty Awards this year.  I’m not sure why but I just thought that maybe it was something that wouldn’t happen.  Well, my dedicated readers spoke volumes and they wanted it back.  Once I really got started thinking about 2017, I couldn’t get over how many fucking people out there were worthy getting a Farty Award, for better or for worse.  Like last year, the Farty Awards last year were live and they seemed to go over really well.  We will be doing this again in 2018 but for now, congrats to all the winners (and losers) of 2017!

Band I Couldn’t Shut My Piehole About This Year
Winner: King Crimson

Most Okayest Drummer
Winner: Pepe Clarke (Kyng)

Shittiest Band of 2017
Winner: Sons of Apollo

Biggest Fail of 2017
Winner: Psychedelic Witchcraft misspelling their name in their video.

Reunion Nobody Gave a Rat’s Ass About
Winner: Portnoy/Sherinian with Sons of Apollo

Best Moment in 2017
Winner: The Return of Graveyard

Feud of 2017
Winner: The Brainfart vs. Wife of ProgPower

Most Horrible Moment of 2017
Winner: Axl Rose singing for AC/DC

Most Awesome Discovery of 2017
Winner: Wucan

Bounce Back of the Year
Winner: Crobot

Venue Most Likely to Give You Lung Cancer and Kill You
Winner: 529

Worst Sounding Venue:
Winner: The Masquerade (Heaven)

Band I’d Rather Eat Thumbtacks Than Listen To (aka The Ghost Achievement Award)
Winner: Royal Thunder

Metal Trend That Makes Me Want To Eat Dry Baby Formula and Puke
Winner: Shitty Genre Tag (Funeral Doom)

Best Band Name
Winner: Shit the Cow

Worst Band Name
Winner: Psychedelic Witchcraft

Worst Joke Band
Winner: Mac Sabbath

Happiest Band in Metal
Winner: Sabaton

Biggest Live Surprise of 2017
Winner: King Crimson
Runner Up: Styx

Worst Show of 2017
Winner: Deep Purple

Best Tour of 2017
Winner: Captain Beyond
Runner up: King Crimson

European Band I Was Pissed Didn’t Come to the US This Year
Winner: Jess and the Ancient Ones

Worst Album (aka. The Shark Sandwich Award)
Winner: Bob Kulick – Skeletons in the Closet

Worst Album Cover Art
Winner: Bob Kulick – Skeletons in the Closet

Best Old Dude Album of 2017
Winner: Whitesnake 87 Re-Release

Best Old School Album That I Heard This Year
Winner: Trapeze – You Are the Music, We Are the Band

Band I Wish Would’ve Put Out An Album This Year
Winner: Brave

Band I Wish Would Go Away Forever
Winner: Huntress

Biggest Meanie PooPoo Head (The Scott Ian Achievement Award)
Winner: Jill Janus (Huntress)

Best Non-Metal Album of 2017
Winner: London Grammar – Truth is a Beautiful Thing

Worst Video of 2017
Winner: Psychedelic Witchcraft – Rising on the Edge (

Best Metal Book I Read This Year
Winner: Bruce Dickinson – What Does This Button Do?

Biggest Disappointment of 2017
Winner: Donald Trump as President

Best Interview of 2017
Winner: Thomas Corpse (Jess and the Ancient Ones)

Worst Interview:
Winner: Monz (Travelin’ Jack)

Best Up and Coming Band in 2017
Winner: Wucan

Best Snackfood of 2017
Winner: Zebra Cakes

Favorite Burgers Joint
Winner: George’s

Best Documentary I Watched in 2017
Winner: Unacknowledged

Worst Song With the Best Name
Winner: Hardwired to Self Destruct (Metallica)

Longest career having achieved no successes
Winner: Tuff

Biggest What The Fuck Moment of 2017
Winner: Dio Hologram Tour



About Don de Leaumont

Don (aka. The Brainfart) has been a heavy metal fan since hearing it for the first time in 1983. Don is also repsonsible for all of the typos, shitty grammar, and kick ass content on this site. Don likes cheap beer, whiskey, Coca Cola Icees, going to shows, and hanging with his kick ass wife, two cats and dog. He originally wanted to name his dog Shandi but his wife said, "No fucking way."

%d bloggers like this: