25 years ago this year, Van Halen and David Lee Roth each released an album which would begin a battle of the bands that would span for nearly 13 years. For nearly every year that Van Halen put out an album, Diamond Dave put one out that same year give or take a few months. This really created a tension between the fans and the bands as to who was putting out the better product. 25 years later, I presented myself with the challenge of being the referee for the head to head fight of Diamond Dave vs. Van Hagar. I didn’t go into this challenge weighing in on either side. I put all my biased opinions aside and literally made based the following opinions on my current experience listening to all of these albums front to back. It gets pretty ugly in here so place your bets, get your popcorn and settle in for the fight. Here we go!
1986 – Van Halen – 5150 vs. David Lee Roth – Eat Em and Smile
Van Halen – 5150
The Good: Good Enough, Get Up, Summer Nights, Best of Both Worlds
The Bad: Why Can’t This Be Love, Dreams, Love Walks In, 5150, Inside
Even “the good” of this album is just OK on this platter full of fail. I still remember as a kid hearing the first single “Why Can’t This Be Love” and thinking, “Wow. THIS is Van Halen? What happened?” The production is horrible. Alex Van Halen’s horrible electronic drums, cheesy ass keyboards and lame ass Sammy Hagar singing about Love, Aliens and Dreams. Who needs this shit? Well, aliens are kind of cool but in this case they managed to even make aliens lame. “Get Up” is a great song and “Good Enough” were two songs that I really like. Why couldn’t they stick with that formula and at least try and rock.
David Lee Roth – Eat Em and Smile
The Good: Yankee Rose, Shy Boy, I’m Easy, Ladies Nite In Buffalo, Goin Crazy, Tobacco Road, Elephant Gun, Big Trouble, Bump and Grind, That’s Life
The Bad: NOTHING
Now if I had just left one of the most rocking rock bands of all time and had to prove to people that I could rock on my own, this is the record I would’ve made. All I could picture was Diamond Dave walking into the studio w/ Van Halen, hearing all those cheesy keyboards and going, “Fellas, your balls are in a box out back, please re-attach them when you’re ready.” and walking the hell out. Dave recruited the baddest backing band he could get and managed to make an album that rocks my face from start to finish. I also love it that he made this album on his terms and it’s all Dave all the time. Killer loud, guitars courtesy of Steve Vai along with Billy Sheehan and Greg Bissonette crushing your face. The album sounds amazing and it has so much personality and character.
The Winner: DIAMOND DAVE’S “EAT ‘EM AND SMILE”
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1988: Van Halen – OU812 vs. David Lee Roth – Skyscraper
Van Halen – OU812
The Good: Mine All Mine, A.F.U (Naturally Wired), Source of Infection, Black and Blue, Sucker In A 3 Piece
The Bad: When It’s Love, Cabo Wabo, Feels So Good, Finish What Ya Started
Opening with some really crappy keyboards, this seems to be a trend here with ol’ Van Hagar. “Mine All Mine” is a solid enough song though to make up for it and in the end be a great tune. Songs like “AFU”, “Black N’ Blue” and “Sucker In A 3 Piece” were definitely rocking songs but again, were these songs really rocking or was it just that they rocked more than the other craptastic numbers on this album? Probably the later. It’s like they were trying to rock a little bit more than “5150” but their love of those really lame ass keyboards and Sammy Hagar himself just seemed to hold them back from doing so. I never understood how a guy like Sammy Hagar could rock so hard at being UN ROCKING. I mean, I love the guy. I love his voice, I love his presence but the dude is just nothing but lame incarnate. At this point at least Alex had ditched the electronic drums but for the most part, this is still a weak ass album. The problem with this line up is that it’s all too safe. They take no chances. It’s all fluffy and safe and commercially acceptable and it’s exactly where Eddie and Co. wanted to be. Good for sales, bad for trying to be an awesome rock band.
David Lee Roth – Skyscraper
The Good: Knucklebones, The Bottom Line, Skyscraper, Damn Good, Hot Dog and a Shake, Stand Up, Hina, Perfect Timing, Two Fools A Minute
The Bad: Just Like Paradise
Looks like Diamond Dave discovered the cheesy keyboards on this album but I can get past this. The reason I can get past it is because he didn’t REPLACE kick ass guitar with keyboards. He’s chosen to use it as background music and while I really hate it, it works and I can forgive him for it. “Just Like Paradise” is the only song I could really out on this big ass platter of win. That song aside, Diamond Dave took a step forward and once again delivered a kick ass album full of ballsy rockers like “Knucklebones” and “The Bottom Line” yet wasn’t afraid to experiment. Songs like “Hina” and “Skyscraper” were bold songs in the sense that they were like nothing he’d ever done. Hats off to him for taking a chance and stretching his creativity a bit. The sales for this album from what I understand was significantly less than Van Halen’s sales proving that Van Halen had appealed to a the mass market of pop music buyers. “Damn Good” alone makes this album the undefeated champion!
THE WINNER: DIAMOND DAVE’S “SKYSCRAPER”
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1991: Van Halen – For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge vs. David Lee Roth – A Little Aint Enough
Van Halen – For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge
The Good: Judgment Day, Runaround, In N’ Out, Man On A Mission, The Dream Is Over
The Bad: Poundcake, Spanked, Pleasure Dome, Right Now, 316, Top of the World
It only took them three album to figure out that they needed to loose the corny ass keyboards and thin production. “For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge” (huh huh, get it?) managed to be a great sounding record but all the great studio gear in the world couldn’t save Van Hagar from the horrible songwriting. You can’t polish a turd so they say. The album actually has a few great songs though and I really mean that. “Runaround” is a fun song and has some great dynamics to it. “Judgment Day” is a cool song as well and “The Dream Is Over” is another surprisingly great moment. I can’t say this enough. Hagar is an awesome singer and an awesome performer. I love the guy but the guy can’t write a song to save his life. The fact that there is actually 5 good songs on this album is a total shock. At the end of the day, this album was a close but no cigar moment for them. Hey, they tried.
David Lee Roth – A Little Aint Enough
The Good: A Little Aint Enough, Shoot It, Lady Luck, Hammerhead Shark, Tell The Truth, Baby’s On Fire, 40 Below, Sensible Shoes, Last Call, The Dogtown Shuffle, It’s Showtime, Drop In The Bucket
The Bad: NOTHING
Talk about progression. Diamond Dave made a bold move and not only surfaced with a new band featuring Jason Becker on guitar but he surfaced with new sound. Commercially this album did pretty bad but as we’ve learned in Rock N’ Roll, just because it doesn’t sell doesn’t mean it’s not good. It’s funny to me that Dave’s worst selling album is his greatest masterpiece. Dave really made a special album here and he wasn’t afraid to channel some his is classic roots by having horns and songs that were just huge sounding. Not only is this album a lot of fun to listen to but the delivery is top notch and a step up from anything he’d done up to this point. From the hard rock of the title track to the “Black Velvet” sounding “Tell The Truth,” Diamond Dave made a classic, classy rock record that not only still stands up well but even more so than when it was released. In a time where bands are trying hard to recapture pure rock and roll, this album stands tried and true. Maybe back then people just weren’t ready for a record like this. Either way, this is a true classic and Dave at his best.
THE WINNER: Diamond Dave’s “A Little Aint Enough”
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1994/95: Van Halen – Balance vs. David Lee Roth – Your Filthy Little Mouth
Van Halen – Balance
The Good: The Seventh Seal, Aftershock, A Apolitical Blues
The Bad: Can’t Stop Loving You, Don Tell Me What Love Can Do, Amsterdam, Big Fat Money, String Out (inst), Not Enough, Doin’ Time (inst), Baluchitherium (inst), Take Me Back (Deja Vu), Feelin
I swear that I really did give each and every one of these albums an honest, unbiased listen. I remember hearing this this album was going to be their heavy album so I was eager to hear what a “heavy” Van Halen album would sound like. Well, the first single “Can’t Stop Loving You” totally proved this to be a monumental fail. SURPRISE. Another “love” song. “The Seventh Seal” was actually a really cool song. “Aftershock” rocked a bit but it was “A Apolitical Blues” that impressed me. Wow, they managed to do something different and fun on this song. Too bad it was only one song. The rest of the album was typical watered down radio friendly Van Halen. Probably their most forgettable album up to this point.
David Lee Roth – Your Filthy Little Mouth
The Good: Big Train, Cheatin’ Heart Cafe, Everybody’s Got The Monkey, Experience, Hey You Never Know, Land’s Edge, Night Life, She’s My Machine, You’re Breathin’ It
The Bad: A Little Luck, No Big Ting, Sunburn, Your Filthy Little Mouth
Diamond Dave managed to pull out a good album in comparison to his former band mates. Notice I said “good” and not “great.” “Your Filthy Little Mouth” had some really good songs on it but for the most part it was far from his best. “Big Train” was my favorite off this album and again, while it had some more than listenable songs in the good department, it seemed to lack any oomph and it sounded pretty un-inspired. I just still find it so damn funny that even at his worse Diamond Dave still managed to make and album that I can listen to and still somewhat enjoy even if not as much as other albums. I feel like this was the point where Dave realized that commercial success was far behind him. Maybe he was just dealing with it at this point and lost that inspiration. I saw him on this tour at a club and the show was outstanding and he seemed to be totally happy playing to whoever was there. While I’m sure it was a blow to his ego, Dave would go on to make some of the best music of his career. This album was far from my favorite but it was far from being a terrible album as well.
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1998: Van Halen – Van Halen III vs. David Lee Roth – DLR Band
Van Halen – Van Halen II
The Good: Water Dog, Fire In The Hole,
The Bad: New World, Without You, One I Want, From A Far, Once, Josephina, Year To The Day, Primary (inst), Ballot or the Bullet, How Many Say I
Just when I thought Van Halen couldn’t fail any more than before they totally proved me wrong with this craptastic piece of well… crap. Hagar decided he couldn’t take any more and wanted to spend his life in the Cabo Wabo Cantina so he bailed and they hire Gary Cherone of Extreme. Extreme is awesome but Cherone with Van Halen was far from that. The problem with this album is that while Van Hagar was so terribly corny and weak, this album is totally laughable because it seems that they were trying to be serious. This makes the album even funnier and more painful to listen to. I have no idea what they were trying to do here but if it was to make a crappy album they succeeded. “Water Dog” and “Fire In The Hole” are both actually decent songs and I mean this in that they were the only two listenable songs. After this failure, the band would call Sammy back and beg him to come back for a short lived train wreck of a reunion tour.
David Lee Roth – DLR Band
The Good: Black Sand, Indeedido, Tight, Wa Wa Zat, Slam Dunk, Blacklight, Weekend With The Babysitter, Counter Blast, Lose The Dress (Keep The Shoes), Little Texas, King of the Hill, Going Places, Right Tool For The Job
The Bad: Relentless
It still blows my mind that Diamond Dave made so many great albums that went virtually ignored by the general public. At the same time, it’s like one of those great kept secrets. When Dave released this album, I was optimistic about just how good a DLR album would be but low and behold, it was a classic. Song for song it was classic Diamond Dave doing what he does best: singing his ass off with a stellar band and delivering some might fine rock n’ roll. Once again, Dave has taken to experimenting with some really cool sounds. Acoustic guitars that bring a sort of world music sounding vibe at times and a really rich production that makes it a really great listen. As pretentious as Dave is, his music tends to be very much the opposite. I love it that Dave makes music and loves music. He doesn’t seem to care about having a hit single or selling a million records. He’s made his money and sold his millions so Dave seems completely happy to make music on his own terms and this album is a great example of that. It’s music that doesn’t try. It just does. No wonder why Van Halen has since brought Dave back into the fold. Maybe Van Halen will finally make an album as good as “Women and Children First” once again.
THE WINNER: Diamond Dave’s “DLR Band”!
Well folks, there you have it. Pretty much I would call Diamond Dave the heavyweight champion of this head to head challenge. I’m sure somewhere out there in Internet land a bunch of keyboard warrior Van Halen fans are either gonna applaud me or make it sound like I was poking them with sticks through an electric fence. Either way, it’s my opinion and you know what they say. Opinions are like assholes. Everybody’s got one.
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