Being a kid in the United States of America must really fucking suck when it comes to the music selections. I mean, in this country we have kids being turned onto music by shit like The Wiggles and KidzBop. I mean, I have tried to listen to this crap and it totally makes me see just why kids grow up to know absolutely nothing about good music. Ok, I know it’s just my crummy ass opinion but if I had a kid and these were the options of turning kids onto music, I would just feel like I was failing my child. In this day and age, we have Millennials who have never listened to Black Sabbath, they don’t have the slightest clue about Ronnie James Dio or Iron Maiden. They just think that metal music is something “old people” listen to which just proves my point.
Leave it to Finland to get it right and find a way to nurture the young and shape them to love and appreciate heavy metal at a young age. How do they do this? It sure as hell isn’t with a giant purple dinosaur singing, “I love you, you love me.” Finland does it right with Hevisaurus and its fucking awesome. I may be a day late and a dollar short but I had no clue that Hevisaurus was even a thing until my good friend in Finland was telling me about them. She was taking her grandkids to see them play live and I could feel my head just about to explode with excitement as she told me about them. They dress up like dinosaurs, play extremely tight power metal and it’s all geared toward kids. It was all I could do to contain my excitement as I rushed right to YouTube and started pulling up videos. One after the other I was absolutely blown away.
The music, the production, the orchestration, and the performances were up to par with such modern metal greats such as Sabaton, Avantasia, and Jorn Lande. There are even some really great elements that beckon back to classic 80’s hard rock such as Whitesnake and Dokken. Everything about this music is what I love about heavy metal but what were they singing about? I had no fucking clue but when I had my friend from Finland translate some lyrics to me, there were lyrics such as, ” You’ve got a nose so huge, it’s knobbly and always swinging in the wind, and your eyes are small like a piglets, you laugh with your three teeth.” Or how about, ” You know it yourself, it is so magical that scent of yours, smells like trash and bubbling swamp”? Only to not be topped by, “Those cockroaches, flies, all of them just want to join you. And so will I Rupuliina: the most beautiful mother.” All of that is just from one song, “Rupuliina.”
So where did Hevisaurus come from? Well, the story goes that Herra Hevisaurus, Milli Pilli, Komppi Momppi, Riffi Raffi and Muffi Puffi hatched from 65 million-year-old metal eggs in 2009, which were unearthed on a mountain by lightning bolts and a witch’s spell. They are bloodthirsty warrior beasts yes, but ones that drink milk, eat cookies, and stay in school! And since formation they have become a Finnish institution, releasing 7 albums selling over 170,000 copies in their home country and spawning tribute versions in countries around the world (in Argentina they are called Heavisaurios). In 2015, they even starred in their own feature film about the origins of Hevisaurus.
Hevisaurus makes me happy on so many levels. The music is so much fucking fun to listen to and even though I have no clue what they’re singing, the music still pulls at my heartstrings. I envision the youth of the world embracing Hevisaurs and learning how much fun and how substantial heavy metal music is. When I think about those young kids taking in this band, it actually gives me a bit more hope that there will be a future generation that will keep metal music alive all because of these silly dinosaurs singing about their ugly mother and laser ninjas all while making mouth farts. You might be saying right now, “Silly Brainfart. Hevisaurus is for kids.” If that’s the case than I never want to grow up. Thank you Hevisaurus for making me feel forever young.